Teddy, I've been bad again, My Mommy told me so; I'm not quite sure what I did wrong, But I thought that you might know. When I woke up this morning, I knew that she was mad; Cause she was crying awful hard, And yelling at my dad. I tried my best to be real good, And do just what she said; I cleaned my room all by myself, I even made my bed. But I spilled milk on my good shirt, When she yelled at me to hurry; And I guess she didn't hear me, When I told her I was sorry. Cause she hit me awful hard, you see, And called me funny names; And told me I was really bad, And I should be ashamed. When I said, "I love you, Mommy," I guess she didn't understand; Cause she yelled at me to shut my mouth. Or I'd get smacked again. So I came up here to talk to you, Please tell me what to do; Cause I really love my Mommy, And I know she loves me, too. And I don't think my Mommy means, To hit me quite so hard; I guess sometimes, grown ups forget. How really big they are. So Teddy, I wish you were real, And you weren't just a bear; Then you could help me find a way. To tell Mommies every where. To please try hard to understand. How sad it makes us feel; Cause the outside pain soon goes a way, But the inside never heals. And if we could make them listen, Maybe then they'd understand; So other children just like me, Wouldn't have to hurt again. ~Cindy Pike Dunning~

PLEASE, STOP and THINK!

It's been 8 years since I lived with my children. & 8 years since I screamed and yelled at and hit them. I tried to wake everyone up, to force them to get help. Nothing worked, except leaving. I didn't take their pain away. I only made sure I never hurt their bodies again. You may sit and judge me, but you didn't wear my shoes. I am only sorry that they've grown up and don't know me better. I am no longer someone to be ashamed of. I broke the chain that linked them to being abused. I wish I could put MY STORY into a coherent flow so that I could explain how and why and see the alternatives I might have had. But it always comes out jumbled and too much is left out . . . Yelling at and screaming at your children are not the same thing. I catch myself raising my voice on occassion, but I CATCH IT and I maintain control of myself. Today I CHOOSE not to allow myself to go with the flow of my anger. And that's the difference. It's the uncontrolled anger that leads to the abuse of our children. The infant who is shaken, or the child who's neck is snapped from a blow . . . they are victims because someone let that anger loose on them. I haven't been able to make up for what I did to my children. They won't forgive me. I can't work around THEIR anger. Updated: March 23, 2002 ~~~ This tiny angel is special and I've adopted her. Call her anything that makes you think of a trembling child; a precious heart. Please, make the decision to spare the soul of a child. Stop the pain . . . break the chain by doing whatever it takes to get help. I realize these are normally used for fun additions.This angel's pose touched my heart's eye, and I knew this was her place. She serves as my reminder of the years I spent without my children; years I can't replace. She comforts me and lets me know I made the right decision. She reminds me that my pain is nothing. My children are spared. I hope you HEAR what I am saying. I pray you listen. To Stop The Abuse The first step is to STOP pretending like it didn't happen. Secrets are what keep us bound to the abuse. We feel so alone, but it's so common you practically know more people who were abused than WEREN'T. It's so amazing to me that after years of pain and guilt, I am a fully functioning woman. It's hard, but we really can get on with living. My heart goes out to everyone in this situation. You're gonna cry and it can't be helped. You're going to be angry...good for you. You're not alone; an army of wonderful friends is waiting to listen and build you up. I encourage you to talk and be whole. You know, we have to TAKE back our control. Who cares if anyone is "uncomfortable" knowing that someone abused you. If they did, the whole world oughta hear about it! If it stays a secret, they are free to abuse someone else. Boy, my soapbox reaches real high on this issue. I was abused, and I did it to my kids when they were little. I have 5 from that time in my life. Granted they weren't sexually abused, but screaming and cursing and beating your kids with belts and inch thick paddles and lying to drs...constitutes abuse. I stopped it. The only way I could at the time. I left. I knew better, and I cried out for help. A lot of people judge us for things we do in our lives, there are a lot of unhappy, unforgiving children running around this world. But you know, I can live with their anger over my leaving. My children are no longer abused by me. They have no concept of how bad abuse is when you add sexual abuse and alcoholism, and drugs into the mix, but it scars nonetheless. I live with that. I make no excuses. I'll tell what happened to me, and I'll admit what happened to my kids. It's part of stopping the cycle. I have another marriage and another little boy now. He has never been abused. And if someone did it to him...I think I'd go crazy...or I'd hurt them... God was merciful to me. Please email me if you want someone to talk to. It's my greatest desire to help you break this cycle. I won't ever preach. I'll listen and let you talk. All my love to you. ~Amber